Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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