While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
