her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Girls should come with a carfax report
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
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Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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