my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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