If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
