Are we in a gay sports bar?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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