dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
