I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
