I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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