forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
