What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
