is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
