pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
