I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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