he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
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