I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
