I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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