Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
