I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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