his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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