so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
