yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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