He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
