Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
