i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
