Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
