What did we do last night that was yellow?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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