wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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