he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He shit in the fireplace
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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