I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
