At least make sure they are 18
Why
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
