Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Life is so much better after having sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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