puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
