Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
