we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
