doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
