At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
