Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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