Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
