We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
