4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
