Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
