I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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