could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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