I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Randomize
