Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
