We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
