i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
