MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
