Ambien. No doubt about it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My feet surprised me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
