I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Enjoy the penises
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
