he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
