I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can text with my tongue
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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