I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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