Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
