wanna go halves on a baby?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
