2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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