Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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