My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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