i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
