so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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