I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
