Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
