I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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