I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
