I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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