Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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