How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
