spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
